The Wedding

So, I went to a wedding last weekend.  It was lovely.  Weddings often are and I’m lucky in that I mostly know a classy bunch of people and get to go to classy weddings.  I also get to go to weddings at which I get do the Electric Slide.  The two types of weddings are not mutually exclusive. Shrimp pesto appetizers followed by the Electric Slide can be parts of a perfect evening.

Anyways… this weekend’s wedding:

The bride and groom were attractive multi-degreed professionals in their 30s.  She looked beautiful.  He looked exceedingly happy.  However, they are both foreigners and somehow lost a few bits of necessary information like… you don’t have an outdoor wedding in July in North Carolina.  Maybe you do… if you have a tent… or if it’s after 8pm or before 10am.  But not at 6pm in no shade.  We sat, men in suits women in heels and dressy dresses feeling the sweat well up in crevices, feeling it slowly drip down
those crevices and wondering if the bride and groom would be saying their vows in front of corpses.  Every slight breeze brought a chorus of “aaah” to the group. When the bride and groom finally appeared, magically NOT looking like they were sweating to death, we were happy.

Then I realized that the groom is Italian and I feared the possibility of a Catholic ceremony. Don’t get me wrong.  I love Catholicism. I love the people. I love the ceremony.  But this wedding needed tobe quick! Quick! Quick!  Along the lines of:

Minister:  Groom, you

Groom: Yep

Minister: Bride, you wanna?

Bride: You Bet!

Minister: K. They love each other, here’s the rings, go on and kiss.  These folks are married now.  Clap and then go drink some wine.

Brings tears, doesn’t it?
Well, it wasn’t a Catholic ceremony but the minister was Southern… so he talked too damned slow  First a recountof the bride and groom’s Curriculum Vitae. Yes they are smart and accomplished. Get on with it.   Then a discussion about how Marriage is a sacred covenant yada yada.

Minster: let me repeat that,

Me: (whispered to the hub)
I will stab him, you know.

Here’s what I heard in the yada yada:

Minister: Marriage is a sacred covenant between a man and a woman…just as God intended.  Some of these Godforsaken states and ministers refuse to heed that word but its true.  Man and woman. Making babies.  Mark my words.

The Bride was South Korean so the minster had read some heathen Buddhist texts and understood that they have similar covenants.  Perhaps he didn’t say heathen.  But I’m pretty sure I remember the word heathen.

Towards the end of the ceremony, a cloud appeared and blocked the sun.  Suddenly, it was 8 degrees cooler.  It was the most beautiful cloud I’d ever seen.  Shaped like an angel.  I told my husband that if we ever had another child, we were naming it Cloud.

What’s left?

Waiters served ice water as we were standing in line at the bar.  That was nice.  The food was a mixture of Asian and Italian so yes sushi alongside antipasti. Yum.  The Asian lady sitting next to me complimented me on my chopstick skills. I took one picture.  The bride’s maid wore a gorgeous pair of Christian Louboutin nude sandals with little crystals and lots of straps.  So I got a picture of the shoes.  No Electric Slide.

C’est la vie.


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  1. Trackback: It’s Our Blogiversary! It’s our Blogiversary! (with apologies to Toni! Tony! Tone!)* « Songs in Squee Minor

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