American Apparel and the Real Girls

First, a little background.

Kimtastic lives in a major metropolitan city which gives this blog total urban street cred, in case you thought it was lacking.  CDsquee used to live in same cool metropolitan city. She moved there from another major metropolitan city.  She also has legitimate street cred. I, however, have pretty much lived in the same city all my life that, while being the capital of the state, has little claim to any sort of cred., street, urban, or otherwise. I rely heavily on Kimtastic and CDsquee to make me cool by osmosis.

Kimtastic’s home city (and formerly CDsquee’s home city) has its very own American Apparel store. Ooooh Ahhh. Except its way too progressive and fashion forward for me and CDsquee’s suburban a$$es.  In fact, it’s probably too progressive and fashion forward for Kimtastic, too, seeing as how she has to be conscientious of paint, clay, and snot splatters on a daily basis. Polyester, laminated denim, and gold lame (American Apparel staples) are not compatible with the career of an elementary art teacher, a mother of 3, or someone who digs weeds and fries pork chops in whatever she came home from work in that day (that’s me).

Ever since kimtastic took me on a tour of her local American Apparel store (in which I’m sure I uttered something akin to, “My gawd! Is them there an actual pair of hot pants? I thought them things were mere fiction of mens’ fantasy!”), she and I keep a look out for what other ridiculous– I mean edgy trends American Apparel is whoring out this season, and then we get together and laugh at them. It makes us feel better about not being cool enough to wear them.

From: squee1313
Sent: Monday, December 12, 2011 2:44 PM
To: kimtastic; cdsquee
Subject: huh?

Why is American apparel intent on bringing back the worst of each decade?

I have a piture of me in a similar outfit…in 5th grade.

It looked bad on me then, too.

If I wore it now, people wouldn’t think I was fashion forward, they would think I was too cheap to buy new clothes.

From: cdsquee
To: squee1313
Cc: kimtastic
Sent: Monday, December 12, 2011 2:52 PM
Subject: RE: huh?

The problem with turtlenecks is:

if you have big boobs, they look bad.

If you have small boobs, they look bad.

(so you must have perfectly round Victoria’s Secret boobs to look good in a turtleneck)

And pair them with high waisted pants? There are 17 women in the world who look good in that outfit. There are 83 more women in the world who still look okay in that outfit. Everyone else looks dumpy whether they weigh 110 lbs or 170 lbs.

You are right – those girls look like their cheap mamas made them wear stuff they bought at the Sears outlet store in 1998 but didn’t get around to wearing.

From: kimtastic
Sent: Monday, December 12, 2011 3:03 PM
To: cdsquee; squee1313
Subject: Re: huh?

I’m pretty sure American Apparel just finds old pictures from the JC Penney’s catalog instead of using any current photos.

I for one am VERY excited about my turtleneck. I’m going to wear it with my peach sweatshirt on which I have stencil painted a carousel horse with shiny puffy fabric paint. I’m going to pair those with my high waisted mom jeans.

BTW- I ROCKED said outfit in 6th grade. Rocked it so hard all the other girls were jealous and that’s why I didn’t have any friends.

From: squee1313
To: kimtastic; cdsquee
Sent: Monday, December 12, 2011 3:05 PM
Subject: RE: huh?

Lesson:

Don’t use an Asian girl to advertise how the a$$ of your high waisted mom jeans fit unless you’re target market is one that is purposely seeking to make their butts look utterly flat.

From: kimtastic
Sent: Monday, December 12, 2011 3:11 PM
To: squee1313; cdsquee

Subject: Re: huh?

$58 for a camel toe.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Bee Estrado
    Jan 05, 2012 @ 09:30:58

    Thanks for the interesting read 🙂

    Reply

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