Put Some Synonyms Up In That B#TCH!

So, as Boss Squee as described to you all, we get these DearReader.com emails (love love love em – I have discovered some great authors/books/addictions through these emails) BUT…  Sometimes they (the books that is) tick me off.  Here’s tick me off number 34:

Yeah, I’ll read a historical romance.  I said it.  You have a problem with that?  But historical romances sometimes have a language problem.  They can’t say Blonde.  They can’t say Black.  They have to say Wheaten… Flaxen… Onyx.

Ok, I’m on the fifth day/ fifth email of my dear reader and I’m about  50/50 on whether it goes on my list..and I’ve just read the (at least) third reference to the heroine’s wheaten hair.  OK got it – everyone loves her hair and it’s “wheaten silk” (dirty blonde? blonde?) but if you are going to keep mentioning it, then throw some synonyms up in that b%tch!  If it’s so interesting and relevant you need to keep mentioning it, make it worth my interest and change the description a little bit.  If it’s not then stop talking about it.  No matter what, stop throwing “wheaten” up in my face.  It makes me want bread.

And…okay.  I get that Historical romance = flowery language.  But if you are gonna be flowery, at least have some variety.  I do not want to go to a botanical garden to see one type of red rose… I don’t want to walk through paths and paths of red roses.  I want to see some white, some pink, some coral, some peach, some of those cool variegated ones.  Maybe some daffodils, lilies and some funky plants I’ve never seen before.

Boss Squee pointed out another HR (Historical romance, get it?) that did the same thing with the hero’s eyes… his Onyx eyes, the brows over his Onyx eyes. As Boss Squee notes: Not plain old black, never mixed it up with some jet, or coal, or ebony.  Just Onyx.

Which means after a few pages of this you just want to scream “OKAY! I GET IT!  THEY ARE VERY VERY DARK EYES!  JUST SHUT UP NOW!

The very same repeated  flowery description becomes noticeable as in noticeably tedious and awkward.  So beloved romance authors out there, please we beg you, look for the Find/Replace button on your word processing software and use it.  Find… replace.. delete.

Also, if her hair is that wheaten, she might need to deep condition.

 

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