Fifty Shades of Grey as Art? No. Just, no.

I’m guessing that if you come from an area in the world that has ever referred to itself as “metropolitan” or something similar thereto, that you’re city has something like a Wine and Design. It’s that deal where you go to a studio and paint some pre-determined picture that was scheduled in advance. You bring your own wine. You drink it as you paint. Fun and hilarity ensue, right?  CDsquee and I did one that was supposed to be the sky-line in our fair city. When we actually got to the studio, it turned out to be a generic city skyline. I was disappointed, at least until I drank enough wine not to care anymore.

Kimtastic has attended one of these events herself. Kimtastic is an art teacher, mind you. She knows how to embrace this sort of thing, take the generic and make it her own. More about that later…

So, this week I got my weekly e-mail from the local Wine and Design. Among the regular offerings of Monet and Picasso rip offs, wine glass still lifes, high heel still lifes, generic outdoor scenes, etc. There was this:

50 Shades..You pick..Change colors for your liking
Time: 6:30 pm – 8:30 pm.
Price: 35.00Description: **We will be pasting pages of the book on the canvas where you will paint fuN!!!! and Naughty!! Please be sure to arrive at least 20 minutes before class to get signed in, fix a glass of wine, set up your snacks, and mingle with friends. The painting will begin at 6:30 and will be a 2 hour session. To register online, you must pay for your class to complete your reservation or call the studio to confirm. If you have questions, gift certificates or would like to pay when you arrive, call us to make your reservation!
Image  Image
Oh…HELL NAW. Oh please pretty baby Jesus, tell me it ain’t so.
Here’s where I could write a couple thousand words on the image quality, the design value, the wretched state that pop art has declined to, but I’ll spare you.
Just as I was in my deepest blackest despair, Kimtastic’s voice sounded in the darkness, like an angel of mercy,  and brought me back from the abyss. She said:

Lades, ladies, you’re thinking inside the box. You’ve got to make these wine and design things your own. For example, in my pic, Christian Greyscale would be paunchy and hairy with a pack of smokes in his pocket instead of handcuffs and and holding a Bud. Not Bud Lite. Bud Diesel. And do you get to make both? bc my Anastasia would be surrounded by weiners and sporting winter-bush. Red Room worthy for sure.

Ah, Kimtastic, that’s why I love you. Shall I make reservations for us both? Anyone else want in?


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